Thinking that destroys our growth

       I have found that one of the desires that most (if not all) followers of Jesus have is the desire to grow.  We have a desire to be more like Jesus.  We have a desire to grow closer to God.  We have a desire to be more patient, to be more loving, to be more forgiving, to be more generous.  Those, and many others, are good desires for us to be having as Christians, however I have also found that many of us struggle to grow in those areas as well.  Let's take patience as an example.  We have the desire to become more patient (a good desire) so we resolve to be a more patient person.  We pray that God would help us, we spend time in the Word, we work to remain connected with the Spirit in order to obtain the "fruit" of the Spirit, in this case patience.  In many ways we begin to see growth in the area of patience with most of the people around us, BUT there is always that one person isn't there.  There is always that one person that makes us realize how not patient we are.  There is always that one person that makes us realize how not loving we are.  There is always that one person that makes us realize that we still have a lot of growing to do and here is where dangerous thinking can come in that will destroy our growth.
       "If only that person would change _____________, then I would be a much more patient, loving, kind, forgiving person.  If only my boss would change then I would stop gossiping about him/her.  If only my kid would change than I would be more patient with them.  If only my neighbor would stop doing ___________ then I would be able to love them more.  If only my spouse would ____________ then I would be a better spouse.  That thinking destroys our growth because we make our growth in Christlikeness dependent upon that person.  We think that person is the problem and not us.  When we think that way what in essence we are saying is I cannot grow anymore in the area of patience.  I am as patient as I can possibly be and now it is up to them.  We have killed the possibility of future growth.
       So what do we do?  We need realize that the only person we can change is ourselves (and only ourselves with the help of Jesus).  You can't change your boss, you can't change your spouse, you can't change your neighbor, you can't change your kid, you can only change yourself.  Since that is the case we need to stop blaming our failures in being like Jesus on others and confess our sin to God.  It is amazing how your perspective changes when you realize that the only person you are in control of in a situation is you.  You cannot control the anger of the other person, you cannot control the annoying attributes of the other person, you cannot control the attitude of the other person, but with the help of Jesus you can control yourself.  Just realizing this truth will help you to grow to be more patient because you won't be waiting for that person to change in order for you to be patient.  Instead, you will be working on your self.  You will be praying that God would help you be patient.  You will be focused on staying connected to the Holy Spirit and allowing Jesus to live through you more and more.  When that happens you will continue to grow, maybe not as quickly as you would like (especially if you really do struggle with patience!)  but you will continue to grow over time and become more like Jesus as He works in you to change YOU.
        I need to stop killing my growth.  I need to stop waiting for others to change and instead by the grace of God focus on me changing and becoming more like Jesus.  How about you?  Are you killing your growth?

Leaving a legacy of a faithful marriage.

        Came across an inspiring front-page article in our local newspaper a few weeks ago.  Here is a picture of the front page…

What a great celebration of marriage faithfulness.  What a great legacy that Edward and Ruth Bostrom passed onto their kids and grandkids, and great-grandkids, and great-great grandkids!  This article gave me pause to reflect on what my marriage right now is teaching my kids for when they get married.  I have a lot of questions and a few answers.

       The questions:    

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids the beauty of marriage?

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids the joy of marriage?

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids the challenges and struggles of marriage?

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids how to keep God at the center of the marriage?

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids the hard-work and sacrifice that both husband and wife need to make in order for marriage to work?    

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids that marriage is to be a picture of God's extravagant love for the church?                                      

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids that marriage was created and designed by God?

-Are Heidi and I showing our kids the importance of forgiveness in marriage?

-Am I showing my sons what it means to love and serve their future wife in the way Christ loves and serves the church?

-Am I showing my daughters a picture of a man who is worth being married to?  One who loves God, one who loves and serves his wife, one who takes initiative in leading the family towards God

The Answers

-God must remain the center of our marriage if any of the above questions will be answered with a positive reply.

-Our marriage and what makes it work over the long-haul cannot remain a mystery.  Our kids need to not just know that it worked, they need to know what made it work.  As they get older Heidi and I need to talk to them a lot about our marriage!  The good and the bad.  The joys and the struggles.  How to ask for forgiveness, and how to grant forgiveness.  How to love when the "feelings" of love are not present, and much more.

 -I need to begin praying now for the future spouses of my kids, for their future marriage.  I need to be praying that as they grow up they make choices that will increase the likelihood of a faithful marriage.  I need to pray.  I need to be praying a lot.

-Heidi and I need to continue to become more like Jesus.  We desperately need Jesus to continue to change us.  To make us more loving.  To make us more selfless.  To make us kinder.  To make us more patient.  To make us more gracious.  We need Jesus to continue to change us into people who can continue to give a better and better picture of marriage to our kids who are watching everyday.

There is no guarantee that my kids will get married.  There is no guarantee that they will never get divorced.  There is no guarantee that their life or the life of their spouse will not end long before they could celebrate 50 years of marriage.  I get that, but I want my kids to experience marriage as God has created it and desires for it to be.  I want them to experience marriage as a beautiful picture of God's unending love for the church.  I want them to experience a marriage that as a result helps both them and their spouse to be more like Jesus.  If you are married and you have kids, regardless of their age, you are teaching them about marriage.  They are watching us.  They are listening?  They are paying attention.  I was teaching my kids about marriage when I left home for work today, and when I get home from work I will be teaching again.  I want to leave a legacy of marriage for my kids!  How about you?