I have found that one of the desires that most (if not all) followers of Jesus have is the desire to grow. We have a desire to be more like Jesus. We have a desire to grow closer to God. We have a desire to be more patient, to be more loving, to be more forgiving, to be more generous. Those, and many others, are good desires for us to be having as Christians, however I have also found that many of us struggle to grow in those areas as well. Let's take patience as an example. We have the desire to become more patient (a good desire) so we resolve to be a more patient person. We pray that God would help us, we spend time in the Word, we work to remain connected with the Spirit in order to obtain the "fruit" of the Spirit, in this case patience. In many ways we begin to see growth in the area of patience with most of the people around us, BUT there is always that one person isn't there. There is always that one person that makes us realize how not patient we are. There is always that one person that makes us realize how not loving we are. There is always that one person that makes us realize that we still have a lot of growing to do and here is where dangerous thinking can come in that will destroy our growth.
"If only that person would change _____________, then I would be a much more patient, loving, kind, forgiving person. If only my boss would change then I would stop gossiping about him/her. If only my kid would change than I would be more patient with them. If only my neighbor would stop doing ___________ then I would be able to love them more. If only my spouse would ____________ then I would be a better spouse. That thinking destroys our growth because we make our growth in Christlikeness dependent upon that person. We think that person is the problem and not us. When we think that way what in essence we are saying is I cannot grow anymore in the area of patience. I am as patient as I can possibly be and now it is up to them. We have killed the possibility of future growth.
So what do we do? We need realize that the only person we can change is ourselves (and only ourselves with the help of Jesus). You can't change your boss, you can't change your spouse, you can't change your neighbor, you can't change your kid, you can only change yourself. Since that is the case we need to stop blaming our failures in being like Jesus on others and confess our sin to God. It is amazing how your perspective changes when you realize that the only person you are in control of in a situation is you. You cannot control the anger of the other person, you cannot control the annoying attributes of the other person, you cannot control the attitude of the other person, but with the help of Jesus you can control yourself. Just realizing this truth will help you to grow to be more patient because you won't be waiting for that person to change in order for you to be patient. Instead, you will be working on your self. You will be praying that God would help you be patient. You will be focused on staying connected to the Holy Spirit and allowing Jesus to live through you more and more. When that happens you will continue to grow, maybe not as quickly as you would like (especially if you really do struggle with patience!) but you will continue to grow over time and become more like Jesus as He works in you to change YOU.
I need to stop killing my growth. I need to stop waiting for others to change and instead by the grace of God focus on me changing and becoming more like Jesus. How about you? Are you killing your growth?
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